Roll Me Over

I write today under the malaise of my linen duvet.

My throat hurts. I have lost my voice; I am bored and I feel extremely unproductive.

I have watched the shadows skirt slowly across the wooden fence of our front yard. From my pillow, I see the light of beautiful, sunny day. There’s the sound of a gas-powered leaf blower, planes fly way too low overhead, and a German Shepherd barks in the yard next door. Through the glass panes of our white french doors, the orange trees dance and I can tell there’s a nice breeze in the air, but I cannot feel it from in here.

“What do most people do when they are sick?”

By “most people” I of course mean the artists, the millionaires, the egregiously beautiful people of this world. I wonder: Do they wither amid the doldrums of a prickly throat as do I?

The internet tells me I am dying. Lie in bed, you simple fool! But my mind spins with the ceiling fan on low. Another reminder that this is your AI doctor speaking, and so I try and I try, and I can recline only so far as to convince myself that I have become nothing but a lazy man.

Rest.

Yes, for it is today that I want nothing more than to be better tomorrow—nothing, the only answer.

Yet still, I wonder: What do all the beautiful people do?

My brain function’s not at full-capacity. I’ve laid horizontal all day. A green smoothie I drank this morning and a slice of leftover pizza I ate this afternoon. Jesus Christ. The clock reads 5:30pm. To be sure, Alex takes care of me, she always does. But she’s at work this afternoon—in the air to Las Vegas, gone until it’s NyQuil time.

Such a beautiful day.

What the fuck can I do?

To do nothing, it seems like my life will forever be the same. Productivity is a religion. I’m a piece of shit for being sick, is what it is. Roll over me with that.

I miss writing. I miss driving across empty places. I’m a man, but understanding is often left with children.

My life is ripe and my life is perfect, and being sick today is my greatest worry.

I have everything, yet I cannot help it.

This sore throat is choking me.