The Pressure Valves of ‘I’

I realized this morning that I haven't felt the electric-tingling sensations in my head that I have been intermittently experiencing over the course of several months. They come and go, always in the same spot and never painful, but noticeable when it happens.

In noticing their recent lack thereof, it got me thinking, “But why?”

I thought about my head, which lead me to realize I’m doing pretty well right now on the mental front. At the foundational level of my existence, I'm already living the dream that I’ve aspired to attain, and the only things to yearn for remain, well…things, which I know will always come in time, if needed at all.

So, I sit here today and I ask myself “But why?” and I think, I don't know, it could be a piece of it, but I'm currently reading The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and in the early pages of the book he says that a lot of the negativity, the chatter of the mind—or the inner voice as he calls it—is all rooted up in pent up energy.

Imagine you’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts into your lane for a last second exit. Fucking prick, right? What do you do? You give him the bird, of course. Tell him he’s a bitch, which he is, and then you curse his mother and his father, his driving instructor, and the designer of the stupid sticker on his bumper. You get all get worked up and now you're shouting at him with your windows rolled up. Hell, you’d wish he were dead.

That, Michael Singer suggests, is pent up energy.

It’s energy that is stored in the body and the mind; energy that has built up to a pressure point without a proper release. That’s when it manifests into something else, perhaps something external.

To get at my point, I'm asking myself “But why?” and I’m wondering if there’s a correlating factor at play. That if a physical manifestation like this electrical tingling in my head—and perhaps other ailments I've encountered with my neck, pinched nerves, those kind of things—could also be due to a buildup of energy in my body, of the negative variety in specific.

In the time I haven’t noticed my head tingling—let’s call it a week—there’s been a few changes in my daily routine. The biggest factor, I believe, is that I’ve taken a step to dip my toes back into an old, neglected project. It’s one I’ve thought about consistently over the course of years, but haven’t done anything with. At the same time I've been editing photos for clients and myself, and I also had time this week to go out and make pictures after a two week dry spell. Beyond that, Alex is home for a good stint from her work travels. I've done physical labor on house projects that had been put off for too long, and I've been exercising consistently.

More, I’m being careful with the all-or-nothing mindset.

With the return to this project, I’ve told myself I just need to show up every day, even if only for a few minutes. I can do this much and trust the process—that after a certain number of days, my action is going to pick up its own momentum and only then will I feel comfortable with setting daily goals and all those kind of things. But to start, I must refrain from all-or-nothing because what will happen is what’s already happened before: I'll go all-in for a short period of time, and then life will happen. I'll miss one day, two days, and quickly the momentum will be shot, the goals become unmanageable, and I'll break the habit just like I did with this project back in 2022.

So I ask “But why?” and my answer now seems clear: it’s that I don't have any pent up energy right now.

Sometimes the most obvious things in life are hidden until the right set of words or images create the metaphor you can relate to. If my body and mind are a container for energy, as Singer suggests, now I am picturing pressure valves, which I believe have recently been turned without me even realizing it.

As I type this and return to my project, the writing valve is now letting out steam. With client work and personal work, the photography valve is always letting out steam. My relationship is flowing freely. Alex and I continue to build our life together: communicating, making dinner, playing games, having fun, loving each other. That pressure valve is open, too.

Energy is passing through me. My consciousness feels present and appreciative, and I am grateful for all these aspects of my life that are currently moving. Again, I am already living my dream.

When it comes to the importance of how to live one's life, I think these are the things that we should be focusing on.

“Who am I?” is a question we should be asking.

“What is the meaning to my life?” is the most important question, and from there you should break yourself down into different components like so:

I am Brandon.
I am a photographer. I am a writer.

I am a soon-to-be husband, I am a son, I am a father to two dogs, I am a friend.

I am my own worst enemy, but I am also capable of balance.

If we are to figure out what these things are that make us, then imagine our bodies and minds are containers wherein each trait becomes a component with its own dedicated pressure valve. Therefore, to avoid implosion or explosion due to pent up energy, these valves to be opened and depressurized.

It’s harder some days than others. I know. But perhaps a little action, a little steam, is all it takes to relieve the pressure.